Rut

In a rut.

I need to get out.

I don't know what I'm doing

Not liking the google update for blogger. Haven't been on in ages and it completely changed its look!

Anyway don't take this seriously. Just a silly survey thingymabob.

Tony Stark/Iron Man

[x] You like booze

[] You are the life of the party.

[x] You love gadgets

[] You can be rather cocky

[] Your favorite color is red or gold

[x] You're good with computers

[x] You use sarcasm a lot

[] You love getting attention

[] You're good at mechanics

[] You have issues with your parents

4/10


Dr. Bruce Banner/The Hulk

[x] You're good at science (chemistry and biology)

[] You can get very aggressive when ticked off

[x] You like to be secluded most of the time

[] You like wearing baggy clothes

[] You like to meditate

[] You like doing science experiments

[x] You try to avoid getting into fights

[] You like wearing purple things

[x] You're clever

[] Your favorite colour is green

4/10

Thor

[] You're good with a hammer

[x] You like coffee

[] You can eat a truckload of food and still be hungry

[] You can be arrogant

[x] You have long hair

[] You have an interest in astrology

[x] You can get sulky when things don't go your way

[x] You're willing to take a fall for someone else

[] You like to dress up as fantasy characters

[x] You don't get along well with your sibling

5/10


Steve Rogers/Captain America

[] You like helping those in need in any way you can

[x] You hate bullies

[] You're a great leader

[x] You're a bit of a do-gooder

[x] One of your favorite colors is red, white or blue

[] You like wearing things with stars on them

[] You strongly admire the army

[] You have a good throwing arm

[] You like war films

[] You're good at running

3/10


Colonel Nick Fury

[] You like wearing long coats

[x] You're good at organizing things

[] You're good at being in the loop

[] You like guns

[] You're good at giving information to people

[x] You like giving solutions to people's problems

[] You like eyepatches

[] You work best as part of a team

[] You like beards

[x] You like wearing black things

3/10


Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow

[] You like wearing tight clothes

[] You can do martial arts

[] You're interested in the world of spies

[] You have red hair (Kind of...)

[] You're quite agile

[x] People generally don't know much about the real you

[] You like to make yourself look good

[x] You can speak another language

[x] You're good at taking orders

[] You were born in a different country to the one you are living in now

3/10


Clint Barton/Hawkeye

[] You're very good at archery.

[] You currently like/love someone on your team

[] You like to wear purple and black

[] You're very good at aiming

[] You've worked at the carnival

[] You like working in a team

[x] You're up for almost anything thrown at you

[] You'd be a top assassin if you ever took the job

[x] You're quiet

[x] You tend to get along with people well

3/10


Loki

[] You want to be a great leader

[x] You want to prove something

[x] You're the younger sibling

[x] You've been/are overshadowed by a sibling

[x] You don't get along so great with your sibling 

[x] You're good at lying

[x] You're adopted

[x] You're very clever

[x] You are able to manipulate people well

[] Your favorite color is green or gold 

8/10

Super Highly Personal

I'm disclaiming now because the following might be hard to read.

A family member of mine is going through some extremely tough times and it's especially hard for me because I've been where they are right now.

Depression is something that runs in my family so we aren't surprised by it when it turns up. It's a difficult thing to understand because so many people have difficulties understanding why a person cannot simply snap out of it.

Depression is not something you bounce back from and "get over".

I know.

I have been there.

This family member of mine and I differ slightly in how our depression manifests.

My family member wears their heart on their sleeve. It's very easy to tell what emotion they are feeling.

Where as I wear a mask.

Every day.

I can hide what I'm feeling and no one would ever know.

I'm good at it, which isn't something to be proud of, believe me.

Seeing my young family member experience what I have experienced and still do experience is a very very rough thing to go through.

I have attempted suicide.

And I know exactly what was running through my mind as I sat, home alone in my bathtub thinking how nice it would be to just use that razor to cut through the small veins in my wrist. How easy that would be.

But what stopped me was the thought of the mess I'd leave behind.

I hadn't cleaned my room, there were bills to be paid, I hadn't said any goodbyes.

That's what stopped me.

Not the fear of death, but the mess my death would leave behind for my loved ones.

So I didn't go through with it.

My family member is going through this now. And we caught it before it got that far.

It's just incredibly hard knowing that they might one day reach that fork in the road; execute, or stop and step back. I can't say for sure which road they would take.

Depression doesn't go away, just becomes less of a factor.

But it's there. Possibly forever.

I don't want the thoughts that cross my mind on a daily basis to ever be the "norm" for my family member.

I don't ever want this family member to develop the mask that I have created for myself.

Because it's scary.

It is scary to sit in your car by yourself and cry for three or four hours, then put the mask back on and go make jokes and be "normal" for everyone else's sake.

I am at a loss and I feel like I can't do or say anything to my family member in order for them to know that I've been there. I know what it's like. And it isn't easy to get out.

Sometimes

Sometimes I think the only thing we can pray is for God to please not take anyone else away.

Mmhmm

I have decided that the following men are added to my list of "freebe's"

Adam Levine from Maroon 5

And Ian Somerhalder from Vampire Diaries.

And seeing as I'm currently single and tied to no one, these men are temporarily moved from "freebe" to "anytimers"

BAHA!

Okay.

I am done.